Self-Aggrandizement: Odds & Ends Archives

Well
Filed February 29, 2008 4:08 PM.

Or, at least, well enough. After too many days of sickness and lollygagging, both Jess and I are back to work.

New Coinage
Filed February 18, 2008 5:07 PM.

Shlomosexual
Noun. A non-Jewish woman who finds herself regularly attracted to religious Jewish men.

Quick Update
Filed February 13, 2008 3:30 PM.

The weather here in New York is nearly biblical - rain has been pouring torrentially all morning long - so I've been playing hooky and working from home.

Which, I think, I well deserve, after having trekked dutifully into the office all last week despite my inevitable post-too-much-travel cold.

By now, however, I'm nearly back to full health. Which means, of course, it's time to get back on another airplane. Yes, the travel continues. And, likely enough, the erratic blogging. Consistency's a bitch.

Errata
Filed February 1, 2008 7:48 PM.

Despite about four thousand people viewing it, after three days it was only my own mother who noted that the entry "Does Not Compute" was mistakenly titled "Doe Not Compute".

Headed to JFK this afternoon to fly to Vegas for a quick weekend conference with the owners of all the CrossFit-affiliated gyms (like our CrossFit NYC).

Due to weather delays, however, the flight was eventually pushed back to where it would have landed too late for me to make the connecting flight (the last for the night). So after five delightful hours of airport time, I headed back home. Now I have just enough time to squeeze in a few hours of sleep and a shower before heading back out the door for a 5:30am flight tomorrow morning.

As I then fly home from Las Vegas about twenty-four hours after I land, looks like my plan for striking it rich Bond style at the Baccarat table have been foiled yet again.

Thankful
Filed November 22, 2007 8:16 PM.

For Jess, my family, my friends, my colleagues at Cyan, my fellow trainers and members at CrossFit NYC. With each passing year, I realize more and more that the people in my life are for what I'm most grateful.

Spoiler
Filed July 21, 2007 1:37 PM.

Jesus dies on pg. 681.

Today's Thought
Filed May 25, 2007 11:53 AM.

Sexy is as sexy does. Like a box of chocolates.

Poem of the Day
Filed January 20, 2007 10:09 AM.

"Away In Virginia, I See a Mustard Field And Think Of You"

because the blue hills are like the shoulder and slopes
of your back as you sleep. Often I slip a hand under
your body to anchor myself to this earth. The yellow
mustard rises from a waving sea of green.

I think of us driving narrow roads in France, under
a tunnel of sycamores, my hair blowing in the hot wind,
opera washing out of the radio, loud. We are feeding
each other cherries from a white paper sack.

And then we return to everyday life, where we fall
into bed exhausted, fall asleep while still reading,
forget the solid planes of the body in the country
of dreams. I miss your underwear, soft from a thousand
washings, the socks you still wear from a store
out of business thirty years. I love to smell your sweat
after mowing grass or hauling wood; I miss the weight
on your side of the bed.

- From Barbara Crooker's Radiance

All Puns Intended
Filed January 12, 2007 12:17 PM.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says "A beer please, and one for the road."

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, it's not unusual."

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Testaroo
Filed September 11, 2006 10:54 AM.

Ignore this. Just upgrading MovableType, and making sure I didn't blow the brains out of the rather kludged together back end I've created.

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia
Filed June 6, 2006 10:27 AM.

Yes, that's a word. It means a fear of the Number of the Beast.

And fear it you should. Especially today: 6/6/06.

[Makes '666 rock hands' and head-bangs to Appetite for Destruction.]

Sketchy
Filed June 5, 2006 10:32 PM.

Given my ongoing fascination with myself, I paid $1 to have Sketch-It sketch-ify the picture on my about page.

For those too lazy to click, the original picture looks like this:

Joshua, looking cute as ever.

The sketched version I received, in turn, looks like this:

Which, to be frank, doesn't really look that much like me. It does, however, look sort of like an older version of me, assuming by that point that I still have hair.

I have seen the future, and it is Joshua Newman.

Excellent.

Plus Side, Updated
Filed May 31, 2006 3:32 PM.

After spending the last six hours on nonstop conference calls, I've moved past Johnny Cash and into Tom Waits.

On the Plus Side
Filed May 31, 2006 12:12 AM.

With slight laryngitis, my Johnny Cash impression is currently dead on.

Conversely
Filed May 15, 2006 10:21 PM.

[An old Buddy Hackett joke]

A guy goes into a doctor's office; he's got a dot on his forehead.

The doctor says, 'Oh my God, I've never seen this before, but I read about it in medical school.'

The guy says, 'Well, doctor, what is it?'

'Well, in six weeks you are going to have a penis growing out of your forehead.'

The guy says, 'Well, doc, cut it off.'

The doctor replies, 'I can't cut it off; it's attached to your brain, you'd die.'

So the guy says, 'So, doctor, what you're telling me, is that in six weeks, every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I'm going to see a penis growing out of my forehead?'

And the doctor says, 'Ah, no, no, no, no. You won't see it. The balls will cover your eyes.'

Cantankerous
Filed May 3, 2006 11:31 AM.

As my last post led more than a handful of female readers to write in saying how 'sweet' the sentiment was, I spent a drunken train ride back from Connecticut last night brainstorming potential posts about beating children and small animals, as a way to counterbalance and regain some semblance of masculine street cred.

If anyone has a baby seal for me to club, say, send it along.

More Jokes
Filed March 29, 2006 10:16 PM.

Another recent favorite:

A: Knock knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Control freak. Now you say "control freak who?"

Balls
Filed March 20, 2006 1:04 PM.

Two quick bits of inappropriately juvenile humor:

A man goes into a psychiatrist's office, dressed only in Saran Wrap.

The psychiatrist says, "well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his crotch.

The bartender says, "hey, pirate, is that a steering wheel in your crotch?'

The pirate replies, "arrgh, it's driving me nuts."

Off-Color Joke Du Jour
Filed February 15, 2006 9:48 AM.

[My apologies in advance.]

A man went to his optometrist to have his eyes examined. The doctor told him, "Listen, you've got to stop masturbating."

"Why, Doc?" the man asked. "Am I going blind?"

"No," said the optometrist, "but you're upsetting my other patients."

Happy Valentines Day!
Filed February 14, 2006 5:40 PM.

Anyone? Anyone?
Filed February 6, 2006 8:51 PM.

If you just sent me Ferris Bueller's Day Off, in its specially remastered Bueller... Bueller... Edition:

You rock.
Email me so I can beam thankful karmic brainwaves in the right direction.

Thanks.

Merry Christmas
Filed December 25, 2005 11:50 AM.

I would have titled this post 'happy holidays', but I don't need the War on Christmas again pegged on us Jews (as it was by Henry Ford).

Besides, today, for the first time since 1929, Christmas day and the first night of Chanukah coincide.

So, everyone should be in the holday spirit. [Aside from Muslisms, Buddhists, Hindus, Pagans, atheists, agnostics and Pastafarians. But I digress.]

Enjoy your eggnog, fire up some latkes, light the menorah and tinsel the tree. Best wishes to all my friends in Cyberspace,

joshua

Holiday Hodgepodge
Filed December 22, 2005 8:49 PM.

Following the last post, logging Underground in my living room kept going, and going, and going. We're still not quite done, but as Colin is off to Michigan through New Year's, I at least have a two week reprieve.

###

Just in time, too, as my parents are now in town, availing themselves of the Joshua Newman Hotel. Replete with mints on the pillow.

###

And replete with soothing lounge music.

Or, with not-so-soothing-half-assed-attempts at lounge music. Keeping alive my great-grandmother's tradition of buying herself a Chanukah present (so she'd be sure to receive at least one gift she really wanted), I headed out to Sam Ash Music, picked up an inexpensive Yamaha CG-111S classical guitar, and set back upon my earlier mission to become the next Andrés Segovia. As I haven't played since moving out from my prior, guitar-owning roommates a year back, I may hold off a bit before booking my Carnegie Hall debut.

###

Also, I think there was a transit strike here or something.

As Cyan / Long Tail is moving in to the Actor's Equity Building, on the corner of 46th and Broadway and a scant five blocks from my apartment, I wouldn't know.

Lest I gloat too much, I should point out the new commute, while just five blocks, passes directly up Times Square, and therefore consists of perhaps the five crappiest blocks in all of New York City.

Seriously, I should start taking horse tranquilizers before setting out in either direction.

I was happy to head just a few blocks up from there, however, to pick up a quart of pickles at the Carnegie Deli. A guy in Boston had posted on Ask Metafilter to say how much his wife loved those pickles, and to see if there was a New Yorker who'd be willing to purchase some on his behalf, then overnight them up to Boston in time to make a truly excellent surprise Christmas gift.

As a pickle-lover myself, and having, while still living in California, once similarly been on the receiving end of a pickle package sent from Gus's by my grandmother, I had no choice but to play good briny Samaritan.

And, finally, the New York Times name-checked me at the end of an article about fitness 'cult' CrossFit, whose New York branch I help run.

It's not the best researched or most accurate article, and kind of makes us all sound like a bunch of masochistic wack-jobs, but it could have been worse. At least, as a result of the article, I've been getting emails all day from New Yorkers interested in joining the CrossFit fray.

If your New Year's resolutions include kicking your lard ass into shape, you should be to.

Note to Self
Filed August 25, 2005 5:04 PM.

Memorize this equation:

Younger brother in town + five nights out consecutively + five or more drinks each night + five or fewer hours of sleep each night = disaster.

Lobster
Filed July 31, 2005 10:03 PM.

Just returned from a weekend jaunt down to Florida, for my grandfather's 85th birthday. And while my canasta and shuffleboard skills are duly honed, I've also scored the sort of fire-engine red shoulder sunburn only possible after beach front hours in the mid-day sun deep in a summer previously spent entirely t-shirted.

As typing requires moving, further dispatches await purchase and copious application of industrial strength aloe salve.

Until then, I'm off to take a bottle of Advil.

Natal
Filed July 16, 2005 8:02 AM.

Today is my 26th birthday!

Laugh Du Jour
Filed July 11, 2005 8:43 AM.

This one goes out to Cyan's attorneys and accountant:

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has, over the past three years, embezzled nearly ten million dollars.

The bookkeeper is deaf, which the Godfather considered an occupational benefit, as not hearing privileged side-conversations would keep him from ever testifying in court.

The Godfather goes to shake down the bookkeeper about the missing $10 million, and brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

"Where is the ten million bucks you stole from me?" the Godfather asks.

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the ten million dollars is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

"He says he doesn't know what you're talking about," the attorney translates.

The Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

"Okay! You win!" the bookeeper signs back. "The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

"Well, what'd he say?" the Godfather asks the attorney.

"He says," the attorney replies, "you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

[Special thanks to David Greenberg, who narrowly avoided becoming a lawyer himself, for the joke.]

Alive
Filed June 6, 2005 8:25 AM.

"The rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated." - Mark Twain

As I've begun to receive concerned messages from family and friends convinced I'm lying somewhere in the streets, having been perhaps flattened by bus or taxicab, I wanted to briefly say that, after a remarkably shitty first half of last week, I then had a remarkably better (though not terribly communications-accessible) second half / weekend out in Denver, watching my younger brother David graduate from college.

Now, however, I'm back in NYC, alive and on top of the ball. Things should be back to "normal" around here, whatever little that means. Carry on.

Soothes the Savage Beast
Filed June 1, 2005 1:18 PM.

When ailed by a crappy week, there's no medicine like a good soundtrack to your life.

God bless Steve Jobs and the iTunes and iPod product teams.

Haywire
Filed May 31, 2005 9:33 PM.

Over the past few months, my life has been packed past overflowing, leaving me to field every single productivity hack, every organizational system I know, in an a nonstop effort to make it all fit.

And while, in short, it never quite did, at countless points along the way I managed to get tantalizingly close. Each time, the universe, clearly as karmic retribution for the wrongs of my past lives, would toss in an unforeseen wrench that would completely derail me, send me back to building towards nearly-on-top-of-things, one step at a time.

I thought of that today as, after a particularly trying month, Long Tail finally seemed to be crystallizing into a real company, Cyan's projects finally seemed to be chunking steadily ahead. And then, this very morning, I was pulled unexpectedly into a close friend's serious personal crisis, which ate up the first half of my day, unhinged the second half, and will likely leave me scrambling the rest of the week.

As Martha Gellman once wrote, "the only aspect of our travels that is interesting to others is disaster." In which case, if I can somehow find the spare moments to write about, this week should be surpassingly fascinating stuff.

Piss Me Off
Filed May 2, 2005 5:10 PM.

I really hate it when a toilet autoflushes while I'm still on it.

Mail Bag
Filed May 1, 2005 12:10 PM.

I receive a fair amount of email in response to this site, or in response to specific posts. Most of them fall into three categories: "this is great, keep writing!", "this is horrific, drink bleach and die!" and "I totally understand that post, here's something similar that happened to me."

Every so often, however, I receive an email that I'm not exactly sure what to make of. Here's one priceless piece I received yesterday afternoon:

From: Manuelle Moricet

Subject: josh... dear josh...

i am sorry, i am emma i am also french and i do not understand a single word of what you say... that's totally amazing it looks like philosophy..... isn't it?? So i do not know you but you'd better stop quote all the time this is not a good way to make people beleive you got something inside yor brain... but i must confess, i am just french maybe i am not the good person to appreciate the subject!!! Bye and good luck

Airborne Blogging
Filed April 26, 2005 7:59 PM.

I set out to write a recap of my trip out West, but instead spent the last half hour staring at a blank screen, wondering why, on a spring JetBlue flight from Oakland to JFK, I would chose to wear the corduroy pants that now stick hotly to the back of my legs. I also wonder about my feet; from the sitting and altitude and lack of cabin pressure, they've swollen slowly against my shoes' toe boxes, until I imagine they threaten to spill, as old-fat-lady ankles, over the tops.

My brain is swelling up, too. Maybe in sympathy, or because I've for too many days traded sleep against caffeine in a Faustian bargain of attempted productivity. But mostly because so many stories from the trip - from funny vignettes to grand sagas - are pounding against the inside of my skull, jockeying to get out, that they've bottle-necked at the brainstem, unable to make it down and out through my fingers and onto the screen.

It's giving me a hell of a headache.

So, until my feet are normally sized and my pants cool and dry, until I've slept more than a few hours and drank less than a morning triple espresso, the stories will have to wait. By which time, in all likelihood, they'll be superceded by some other cockamamie tales of more recent misadventures, leaving this trip completely unrecounted.

Which is a shame. Because most of it was pretty fucking great.

Quick Apology
Filed April 24, 2005 5:47 PM.

Sorry to have gone MIA; I'm out in California, squeezing in Long Tail meetings and Cyan meetings and Passover seders and trips to Santa Cruz to meet the CrossFit folks and drinking heavily with West Coast friends.

Lots of stories, to be recapped shortly.

Poetic
Filed April 12, 2005 2:39 PM.

Colin reports he received a piece of spam today containing the following rather delightful snippet of text:

On Halloween night, in a car rushing down the freeway, the tobbacconist soiled his underpants, and bearing an hourglass, he removed his hat.

No Soap, Radio
Filed March 24, 2005 8:07 PM.

Continuing the trend of leveraging the soapbox of this site into chances to pontificate similarly in front of ever larger audiences, I'll be live at 7:00am (PST) tomorrow morning on Seattle's Robin & Maynard Show, Buzz 100.7 FM, railing against the evils of 'Casual Friday' and corporate dress regulation in general.

Expect a recap as soon as I'm off, as I honestly have no idea what the hell I'm getting myself into here.

remainders
Filed March 5, 2005 1:40 AM.

1. Oddly enough, the 'chicken and egg' post generated a lot of peer-review email, with people positing other explanations for which, in fact, came first, based on lexical arguments from the phrasing of the question, or on details of where the cut-off on 'egg' and 'chicken' might or might not be drawn, evolutionarily speaking. As my transition from neuroscience to computer science to making movies has slowly nulled and voided any evolutionary street-cred I may once have possessed, instead of directly answering such criticisms, I've decided instead to focus on such crucial areas of inquest as the sound of one hand clapping, or perhaps trees falling in the woods when nobody is around.

2. Also, regarding the Sip & Shave: yes, that was a joke. If you didn't grasp that fact, please remove this site from your bookmark list, as it only goes downhill from here.

3. Relatedly, one astute reader suggested that a better business plan might be for a combo bar and abortion clinic, as it would likely become an unparalleled hotspot for picking up girls on the rebound.

4. Back to chickens: I'm a huge fan of soup, but have always, for whatever reason, thought of it as a rather time-consuming meal to prepare. Apparently, I couldn't be more wrong, as earlier this week I cooked up an excellent and ridiculously easy pot of chicken vegetable. In short: toss enough olive oil into a pot to coat the bottom, then throw in some chopped onions and garlic, heating until slightly softened. Then add in diced chicken, whatever vegetables happen to be populating the refrigerator (dill and carrots are great flavor-drivers), and a bunch of water, letting simmer for about an hour and a half. Voila: several deliciously healthful meals, ripe for the re-heating.

5. Nothing to do with chickens: Like most guys, I carry my wallet in my back pocket. And, like most guys, I slowly wear little holes in the back pockets of my jeans, where the corner of the wallet rubs against the fabric with each step. My new pre-emptive solution: picked up a two-dollar pack of iron-on patches, and reinforced the inside of the pockets of my jean in the spot I'm likely to wear through.

6. A cause to take the wallet out of my back pocket: just found out that Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince comes out on my birthday, this July, 16th. Which, I'm embarrassed to say, seems to me a really excellent celebratory coincidence.

7. Next, a cause to take me (or anyone else) out of the NYC: if anyone is looking to briefly escape the city, I'd lobby heavily for A Butler's Manor, a great little bed & breakfast in Southampton. Off-season (i.e., now), rates are less than a third of where they stand mid-summer, and the place is empty enough to ensure attentive, personal service, and some remarkably good breakfast cooking. Dragged Abigail (a.k.a. 'The Girl') along for an evening, and have only good things to say about the house, and about the proprietors, Chris and Kim.

8. And, finally, from that last paragraph: yes, amazingly enough, contrary to friends and family's ongoing expectations, I've yet to screw this relationship up.

say what?
Filed January 16, 2005 9:36 AM.

Though 25 isn't exactly 'over the hill', I still, every so often, have pangs in which I suddenly and profoundly feel my age. Point in case: my nine year-old cousin Arielle has a blog.

good point
Filed November 23, 2004 1:53 PM.

A sign in the bathroom at Palo Alto bar Antonio's Nut House:

PLEASE DO NO THROW CIGARETTE BUTTS IN URINAL. IT MAKES THEM SOGGY AND HARD TO LIGHT.

an observation
Filed November 20, 2004 11:38 AM.

There may be many ways to skin a cat, but there really aren't so many things to do with the cat skin once you remove it.

simple pleasures
Filed August 17, 2004 2:22 PM.

Getting change that includes one of the newer, multicolored $20 bills (rather than an older greenback) always makes me irrationally happy.

the algebra of disaster
Filed August 3, 2004 11:23 PM.

(late night jam sessions + early morning conference call) * day after day = trouble

bring a book
Filed July 7, 2004 12:01 PM.

The problem with being obsessively punctual is, very few other people are.

renovations
Filed June 2, 2004 11:06 AM.

First three features I would totally add to my apartment if I owned rather than rented:

Trampoline room.
Slide (or possibly fireman's pole) out front window to street.
Rotating heart-shaped waterbed (w/ mirrored ceiling).

asdfkl;asdjf;lk
Filed May 31, 2004 10:28 PM.

Too much travel. Not nearly enough sleep. Brain not working well enough to generate quality posts.

april 1
Filed April 1, 2004 10:21 AM.

[Insert witty blog-based prank here]

work overload
Filed February 19, 2004 12:55 PM.

In the immortal words of Homer Simpson (as spoken to Ned Flanders):

"Busy now. Go to Hell."

brain freeze
Filed February 16, 2004 3:49 PM.

You know your new haircut is on the short side when your head feels noticeably colder on the walk home.

search me
Filed January 23, 2004 12:06 PM.

Someone made it to this site yesterday with the Google search query "ninja spoon kill whole village diner movie". And I'm really sorry I don't have a copy of that movie, because goddamn would I like to see something like that.

glad that's over
Filed November 10, 2003 12:26 PM.

With the HKMoCD fully digitized, self-aggrandizement returns to its usual drudgery.

Two items I would have blogged about, but didn't as the site was museumified, though it was probably just as well since they aren't actually all that interesting anyway:

1. While washing dishes, it occurred to me suddenly that Diagon Alley, Harry Potter's stomping ground and the home of such fine purveyors as Flourish & Blotts and Gringott's Wizarding Bank, was a play on the word "diagonally". About five years to figure that out; yes, I'm a quick one.

2. Also after having neglected to head to the dentist (due to moving, starting Cyan, etc.) for about 18 months, and, frankly, having taken rather poor care of my teeth during that time in general, I finally hit the dentist, fully expecting the worst. Miraculously, I walked away not only cavity-free, but having been praised for my obviously careful and diligent dental hygiene habits. Out of guilt, I have resolved to start flossing regularly. (Or, at least, to purchase dental floss.)

never insult your stylist
Filed September 16, 2003 1:42 PM.

I now have about a third as much hair as I did yesterday. Though, on the plus side, I'm a week into regrowing the beard, so it sort of all balances out.

note to self:
Filed August 2, 2003 5:09 AM.

After several years of cutting caffeine from your diet, suddenly drinking several cups of strongly brewed coffee will apparently keep you up all night long.

ethical dilemma
Filed July 31, 2003 7:25 PM.

If you really, really have to pee, and your roommate is taking an exceedingly extended shower in your apartment's only bathroom, how unacceptable is it for you to pee in the sink?

how to lose readers
Filed July 11, 2003 6:56 PM.

On the heels of Wednesday's dumb joke come two wildly inappropriate ones. My apologies in advance:

1.
Q. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A. The Holocaust.

2.
Q. What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
A. Not being retarded.

conversational tip
Filed July 8, 2003 5:18 PM.

When, as is all the rage, somebody says "good times, good times," if you nod your head in agreement and say "epic times," you totally win.

Well Filed February 29, 2008 4:08 PM.

New Coinage Filed February 18, 2008 5:07 PM.

Quick Update Filed February 13, 2008 3:30 PM.

Errata Filed February 1, 2008 7:48 PM.

Thankful Filed November 22, 2007 8:16 PM.

Spoiler Filed July 21, 2007 1:37 PM.

Today's Thought Filed May 25, 2007 11:53 AM.

Poem of the Day Filed January 20, 2007 10:09 AM.

All Puns Intended Filed January 12, 2007 12:17 PM.

Testaroo Filed September 11, 2006 10:54 AM.

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia Filed June 6, 2006 10:27 AM.

Sketchy Filed June 5, 2006 10:32 PM.

Plus Side, Updated Filed May 31, 2006 3:32 PM.

On the Plus Side Filed May 31, 2006 12:12 AM.

Conversely Filed May 15, 2006 10:21 PM.

Cantankerous Filed May 3, 2006 11:31 AM.

More Jokes Filed March 29, 2006 10:16 PM.

Balls Filed March 20, 2006 1:04 PM.

Off-Color Joke Du Jour Filed February 15, 2006 9:48 AM.

Happy Valentines Day! Filed February 14, 2006 5:40 PM.

Anyone? Anyone? Filed February 6, 2006 8:51 PM.

Merry Christmas Filed December 25, 2005 11:50 AM.

Holiday Hodgepodge Filed December 22, 2005 8:49 PM.

Note to Self Filed August 25, 2005 5:04 PM.

Lobster Filed July 31, 2005 10:03 PM.

Natal Filed July 16, 2005 8:02 AM.

Laugh Du Jour Filed July 11, 2005 8:43 AM.

Alive Filed June 6, 2005 8:25 AM.

Soothes the Savage Beast Filed June 1, 2005 1:18 PM.

Haywire Filed May 31, 2005 9:33 PM.

Piss Me Off Filed May 2, 2005 5:10 PM.

Mail Bag Filed May 1, 2005 12:10 PM.

Airborne Blogging Filed April 26, 2005 7:59 PM.

Quick Apology Filed April 24, 2005 5:47 PM.

Poetic Filed April 12, 2005 2:39 PM.

No Soap, Radio Filed March 24, 2005 8:07 PM.

remainders Filed March 5, 2005 1:40 AM.

say what? Filed January 16, 2005 9:36 AM.

good point Filed November 23, 2004 1:53 PM.

an observation Filed November 20, 2004 11:38 AM.

simple pleasures Filed August 17, 2004 2:22 PM.

the algebra of disaster Filed August 3, 2004 11:23 PM.

bring a book Filed July 7, 2004 12:01 PM.

renovations Filed June 2, 2004 11:06 AM.

asdfkl;asdjf;lk Filed May 31, 2004 10:28 PM.

april 1 Filed April 1, 2004 10:21 AM.

work overload Filed February 19, 2004 12:55 PM.

brain freeze Filed February 16, 2004 3:49 PM.

search me Filed January 23, 2004 12:06 PM.

glad that's over Filed November 10, 2003 12:26 PM.

never insult your stylist Filed September 16, 2003 1:42 PM.

note to self: Filed August 2, 2003 5:09 AM.

ethical dilemma Filed July 31, 2003 7:25 PM.

how to lose readers Filed July 11, 2003 6:56 PM.

conversational tip Filed July 8, 2003 5:18 PM.