Self-Aggrandizement: Guest Blog Archives

Guest Blog: Josh Lilienstein on Medeski Martin & Wood
Filed October 4, 2006 12:21 PM.

With recorded music ever easier to find, fewer and fewer people take the time to go see their favorite groups perform live. Which is a shame, because a good live show is an experience completely unmatched by disembodied sounds floating out of living room speakers. My old friend Josh Lilienstein recently emailed along this summary of a MMW concert he attended. I'm posting it up here in the hopes that it will get a few more readers out of their chairs, and into clubs, bars and concert halls.

If you go see one popular band this week, this month, this year, or this decade, these guys should be on your radar. When was the last time you saw a concert where all three members of the group (plus the special guest) were ALL incredible musicians? When was the last time that you heard improvised music that made a crowd get up and dance? When was the last time you saw a jazz concert where each of the musicians onstage traded off leading the group, instead of trading solos?

As soon as i could find a musical reference, they were on to the next. Ellington degenerates into chaos which is rescued by funk slipping into blues, at which point the guy on the standup bass grabs his bow, hits the reverb pedal, and launches into Hendrix, soaring into a Miles Davis bebop breakdown and across the Florida keys to mid-century Cuban dance hall, shimmies out to Mariachi shores and back-to-Africa tribal chants, dropping the bass into some deep house, devolving into 80s metal, with country western rock and roll gracefully saving the day, and Indian raga bringing us back into downtown New York jazz. And that was just the first song. They played for two hours.

Medeski, the keyboardist, is a master of his craft. He actually used, often in ridiculously complex combinations, three keyboards, a moog, a sequencer, a sound board, and a record player. Often, in order to somehow account for genius, we imagine that impressive people had been born in the wrong decade; thankfully, this guy was not. Using a historically-informed musicianship and contemporary instruments, he shows up an entire generation of DJs and computer geeks.

The Bros holla'ed. The tube-top girls grinded. The fat man clapped and jumped along. The hippies twirled. The stoners passed joints with a smile. The intellectuals bobbed their heads while scratching their chins. Something for everyone!

When was the last time you saw a drummer who was subtle? Who had a real dynamic range? Who used every snap, crackle, bop, wheeze, and thump he could think of to move the music instead of making noise?

When was the last time you really wanted to hear the bass, and actually could? Have you ever seen a standup bass played like a Stratocaster? Ever head a saw (yes, a saw, placed on the bridge of the bass so it resonated) ROCK the party?

Those of you who were involved in improvisational music thirty years ago need to see the fruits of your movement. Those of you who feel alienated from popular culture need a reality check. Take your kids. Get high. You musicians out there, go get inspired.

[Catch an upcoming MM&W show near you.]

Christina Znidarsic: Milk Pouches
Filed May 1, 2005 12:09 PM.

In response to my recent post on school lunch, a guest blog entry courtesy of reader Christina Znidarsic, on the joys of her school's ill-conceived and short-lived milk pouch experiment:

When I was in 7th grade, our forward-thinking but not very bright administrators introduced "milk pouches" to our school. These were square plastic bags, sealed on all four edges and corners, filled with milk. A straw with a pointed edge would then be jabbed into the center of the pouch, permitting access to the milk. The idea was to cut down on trash volume generated by hundreds of milk cartons being tossed into the garbage bins every day, by replacing them with small, easily collapsible plastic bags.

The intention was noble, but waste management was not on the minds of 200-odd grade schoolers when they encountered the milk pouches for the first time. The bags were the perfect size for juvenile hands to grasp, insert straw, and squeeze firmly. In essence, the school had just armed 200 children with ready-made long-range milk guns, of both the white and chocolate variety.

The pouches were in effect for the next week or so while the school ran out of the supply it had initially ordered. That period became known as the "7-Day Milk War of 1994." Then cartons resumed prominence and the pouches were never heard from again.

JP Toto: How You Like Them Apples?
Filed April 2, 2005 8:04 AM.

Mashing guest blogging up with service journalism, I'm today posting long-standing S-A reader JP Toto's open letter to the Dolly Madison Bakery Company.

To whom it may concern:

I am the most recent victim of the label on your Dolly Madison APPLE Sweet Rolls.

You'll notice I capitalized the word APPLE. This is to approximate, however inaccurately, the prominence with which the word apple is displayed on the packaging of your Dolly Madison Apple Sweet Rolls.

That prominence would suggest to me and, I suspect, many other helpless vending machine patrons, that the average Dolly Madison Apple Sweet Roll contains a modestly generous portion of (albeit almost certainly highly processed and enriched) apple filling.

This, I discovered, is not the case at all. In fact, the amount of apple filling contained within the baked doughy "roll" is a paltry sum when compared to the overall mass of the pastry. When considered critically, I think you'll therefore agree that calling your Dolly Madison Apple Sweet Rolls, such as they are, "APPLE sweet rolls", is a bit of a misnomer.

I cannot provide physical evidence of my claim, having already eaten such. Please let this warning serve as notice, though, that we consumers of pre-packaged vending machine fare will not stand for such poorly conceived confections, no matter how low our standards already are for your run-of-the-mill ninety-cent treat.

---

Lindsey Tucker: Incompatibility
Filed March 29, 2005 9:38 AM.

Continuing the new 'guest blogging' trend, a quick story courtesy of my wonderful Boston-based friend Lindsey, about the speed dating event she was dragged to last night:

background: 18 guys, 18 girls, 4 minute match-ups, a whistle blows and the guys rotate to their right. no last names, no numbers, just circle Match, N/F (networking/friend) or NO on your score card.

very cute boy, david. very exciting, since very cute boys were not so
plentiful among the 18. he sits down, all business, none of this 'so, what are your hobbies' bullshit.

his question: what's the worst case scenario boy for you?

my answer: um, a right-wing, bush-loving, evangelical christian republican.

him: i'm pro-life.

me: you like my CHOICE bracelet?

him: if i got a girl pregnant, i don't think i could let her have an abortion.

me: and, we're done here.

(3 minutes, 30 seconds of staring at each other)

Colin Spoelman: Chicken & Cheese
Filed March 18, 2005 2:43 PM.

[The only thing better than posting a good entry you've just written, is posting a good entry you didn't actually have to write yourself. To that end, I'll be occasionally publishing 'guest columns' from friends and family looking to take over my ill-deserved soapbox. To start things off, the inimitable Colin Spoelman on so-bad-they're-good eats:]

When I first moved to New York, my first question was, where can I find good fried chicken tenders smothered in nacho cheese? The truth is, it's very hard to find this delectable treat. Even harder to find is a place that serves both chicken and cheese and dollar pints of beer. Now I know many of you are wondering... where, in this bitterly overpriced, food-snobbed, culinary landscape could such a place exist? The answer is, at 83rd and Amsterdam: Homer's Malt Shop.

Homer's not only serves Chicken and Cheese, but milkshakes, malts, fried twinkies, corn dogs and other wonderful hard-to-find items. If they served Biscuits and White Sausage Gravy, it might be perfect. (This is also nearly impossible to find in Manhattan, and folks, that white, runny dung at Cowgirl Hall of Fame is not it.) It's a great place to sit, enjoy some deep fried chicken, and then get snooked on Rheingold.

The only downside is that it is usually littered with small children. But, this being the upperwestside, that means hot mothers in designer jeans (anything with "Humanity" "Mankind," or "Benevolent" in the brandname) and that beautiful, "life is so overwhelming" pout on their face. Or the same face on a hot little au pair from Belarus wearing Old Navy jeans. The children can be stepped around, and it is well worth it for the afternoon drunk. In fact, I find children are far more personable when you approach them with a soaring beer-buzz. The place is not open late, so you if you're going to get blasted, you better start early in the afternoon.

Perhaps you are thinking to yourself that sounds nasty, I don't want to eat Nacho Cheese on Chicken. You are wrong, snob. But by way of explanation, I will detail how I came to love this culinary wonder. Growing up in darkest Appalachia, the federal government didn't provide my high school with a cafeteria. So at lunchtime, we were "turned loose" in downtown Harlan. Which might sound awesome, except that the only places to eat were the drugstore (where the only thing I could afford was a $1.10 grilled cheese--not too filling for a growing boy on a $2 budget) or any one of a number of gas stations. My favorite place was the Kwik Mart, a BP station on the Highway 421 bypass. In order to get a satisfying lunch for two dollars, my friend Nitro and I would order chicken "planks" for $1.65 and then smother them in nacho cheese from the chili-dog cheese well. After two years of eating this everyday, I developed an addiction--an addiction that had left me suffering from crippling withdrawal symptoms, such as compromised mental function, lactose intolerance, and hairloss. But those times are behind me, and they could be behind you, too.

Please go to Homers, displace the children, ogle the nannies, and get drunk. You won't regret it.

Guest Blog: Josh Lilienstein on Medeski Martin & Wood Filed October 4, 2006 12:21 PM.

Christina Znidarsic: Milk Pouches Filed May 1, 2005 12:09 PM.

JP Toto: How You Like Them Apples? Filed April 2, 2005 8:04 AM.

Lindsey Tucker: Incompatibility Filed March 29, 2005 9:38 AM.

Colin Spoelman: Chicken & Cheese Filed March 18, 2005 2:43 PM.

Guest Blog: Josh Lilienstein on Medeski Martin & Wood
Filed October 4, 2006 12:21 PM.

Christina Znidarsic: Milk Pouches
Filed May 1, 2005 12:09 PM.

JP Toto: How You Like Them Apples?
Filed April 2, 2005 8:04 AM.

Lindsey Tucker: Incompatibility
Filed March 29, 2005 9:38 AM.

Colin Spoelman: Chicken & Cheese
Filed March 18, 2005 2:43 PM.