Self-Aggrandizement: September 2006 Archives

Easy IPO
Filed September 19, 2006 7:14 PM.

The girl is head of marketing for a high-end maternity-wear company; as such, I got a chance to visit their New York boutique, and was quite impressed by the stylish pairs of women's jeans stocked there, with top few inches of fabric retofitted with stretch spandex.

And while, certainly, the market for such pregnancy-friendly women's clothing is well documented, I'm convinced a men's version of those same jeans could easily become the anchor of a similarly succesful product line.

Consider this: you've just eaten Thanskgiving dinner, or an overly generous mid-summer helping of baby back ribs. Your pants are uncomfortably snug around the waist. If only your jeans were able to stretch accomodatingly around your distended stomach. If only, in short, you were wearing a pair of of Eatin' Pants(tm).

Despite what seems to me a compelling business case, the girl remains unwilling to jump ship from her current job to launch such a no-fail startup. So, entrepreneurs of the internet, I gift this concept to you. All I ask in return is a free pair from the sample run. 30" length; 29" waist before I start eating, and perhaps 36" after a third helping of turkey, stuffing and cranberry come November 24th.

Eyeshot
Filed September 18, 2006 1:32 PM.

This morning, I took my first trip on New Jersey's PATH train, out to Hoboken, where my uncle Robert runs an optometry practice. A quick look at my glasses - whose super-glued right arm evidences their seven year age - reminded me I hadn't had my eyes checked in three-quarters of a decade. So, Jersey-bound, I contemplated the possibility that I might actually be far blinder than my outdated, rather pansy prescription would otherwise indicate.

Fortunately, after much consideration of number one vs. number two random letter line readings, it seems my eyes are still pretty much exactly where they were before (a piddling -1.75 diopter), though with just a touch of newfound right eye astigmatism.

So, this morning, after forty-five minutes of letter line comparisons, I spent at least as long considering frame after frame after glasses frame. There are few accessories as omnipresent as a pair of glasses, and so I tried to balance out the demands of indie film cool with the need for something I could wear, day in and day out, for at least the next year or three.

The pince nez, therefore, fell by the wayside, as did a number of other options that seemed the optical equivalent of a joke that's funny the first time, but gets painfully old when frequently retold. In the end, I settled on two frames, aiming to switch back and forth between them as whimsy might dictate: one slightly retro, the other a touch fashion-forward, though neither so bold as to become the first (or only) thing one might notice upon my entering a room.

Doubtless, the girl, my mother, and any other style-conscious female friends and family will disdain both choices. But, fortunately, as I can still glasses-less pass the driver's license vision test, at very worst, I can always drop the glasses (and the faux-intellectual air they lend) entirely, and stumble through life only a short squint away from seeing things exactly as they are.

The Next Oscar Wilde
Filed September 17, 2006 2:15 PM.

"Traditions are like hymens - once they're broken, you're fucked."
- Colin Spoelman

Reality
Filed September 13, 2006 5:40 PM.

There's an old truism that, as soon as a guy starts seeing someone, the guy somehow becomes instantly more attractive to women, who apparently telepathically divine his newly taken status. Girls come up to him at bars, exes send friendly emails out of the blue.

I have, however, now taken that theory to its logical conclusion. Minutes ago, I received an email that began:

ABC Television's hit reality television show, The Bachelor, is searching for its next star. After viewing your profile on LinkedIn, the casting producer has selected you as a potential candidate.

Um, no.

Logistics
Filed September 13, 2006 4:57 PM.

As long-standing readers of this site know, I've done more than my share of dating since moving to NYC five years back. And, in that time, I've even had a slew of several-month stretches of exclusivity. But, in each case, the exclusive girl and I would still dutifully obey a tacit 72-hour rule - seeing each other, say, twice a week, tops, and never even considering multiple consecutive nights together.

So it is with some confusion and little practical experience that I now face liking this girl enough that I kind of want to see her all the time. Fortunately, it seems she's both equally happy to see me, and equally out of her depth, leaving us, in turns, thrilled and totally freaked out by it all.

How much time should I spend with her? How do we do this without derailing each of our overbooked calendars? How often can I call before crossing the fine line between sweet and creepy? How does this all work?

In short, I have absolutely no idea. But, day by angsty day, I'm slogging ahead, as I think she might be worth trying to figure it out.

Hello, Newman
Filed September 12, 2006 2:51 PM.

About seven years back, I was in CNNfn's green room, waiting to go on-air for an interview. A woman walked into the room with a clipboard, said, "Joshua Newman", and looked around.

I stood up. So did another guy. We looked at each other. Then at her. As it turns out, there were two Joshua Newmans in line to be interviewed, one of us right after the other - he about a new wireless technology IPO, I about some startups in the financial services space.

After our respective interviews, we headed to a neighboring Au Bon Pain for mid-winter chicken soup, only to discover that, not only did we have the same name, and not only did we work in the same industry, but we had both graduated from Yale, he four years before me.

After falling out of touch in the intervening years, that Joshua Newman emailed me again today to say he'd recently moved out to LA, to become Director of Digital Media for Twentieth Century Fox.

It seems the secret cabal of Joshua Newmans has now moved, en masse, from the world of high tech into the world of film. Movie people, look out.

Disconnected
Filed September 12, 2006 1:25 PM.

Cyan's email addresses are suddenly and inexplicably bouncing. Which leaves me, in short, with absolutely nothing to do today until they come back online.

In the meantime, gmail calls me joshuanewman, should anyone need to urgently track me down.

Update: things are fixed; feel free to once again hit me and my colleagues at cyanpictures.com addresses per usual.

Today's Quote
Filed September 12, 2006 9:12 AM.

"If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl."
-H.L. Mencken, Epitaph

9/11
Filed September 11, 2006 2:51 PM.

Five year anniversary. Headed to the roof with my trumpet, played Taps facing downtown. Read the Mourner's Kaddish, a hebrew prayer of remembrance. Never forget.

Testaroo
Filed September 11, 2006 10:54 AM.

Ignore this. Just upgrading MovableType, and making sure I didn't blow the brains out of the rather kludged together back end I've created.

Sleeping In
Filed September 10, 2006 1:34 PM.

Called Rob Barnum, the head of Cyan's San Francisco office to ask how he and the rest of our Toronto Film Festival delegation were holding up five days into their trip.

"Well," he replied, "let me put it this way. When I got back from a bunch of industry parties last night, I called the hotel's front desk to ask them for an 8:00am wakeup call. They said, 'um, sir, it's 8:30am."

Running a film company: not for the faint of constitution.

How am I Funny to You?
Filed September 7, 2006 2:52 PM.

Despite, as this site suggests, liking to think about myself, I'm not normally a big fan of online tests. Certainly not of the sort that categorizes you into some type. ("The Star Wars personality sorter says you're C3PO!")

Nonetheless, on a friend's recommendation, I took OkCupid's 3 Variable Funny Test, and was surprised to see the description it yielded was pretty much dead on:

Type: The Cutting Edge

Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery.

Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.

Ah, very very fat person dancing; I laugh out loud each I time I even read that phrase.

Taken
Filed September 5, 2006 6:09 PM.

I've been getting emails of late asking for more blog posts about disastrous dates. And, sadly, I don't really have any to share.

It's not that I haven't been going on dates. I have. They've just been good. And all with the same girl.

Which, I realize, is somewhat out of character. I haven't blogged about it, ostensibly because I didn't want to freak her out, but, really, because I didn't want to freak myself out. Once it's on paper (or, more accurately, screen), there's no denying - even to myself - that I actually really like this girl.

But, after having spent the weekend with her in Boston, and having totally not been sick of her by the end, which is weird, because I get sick of everybody and usually need far more time to myself, I'm biting the bullet, and coming clean.

I think I have a girlfriend.

Until I get yelled at for putting this online and then figure out how much I should really be sharing or not, the only description you get is one emailed along, strangely enough, by her mom: smart and intuitive and maybe sometimes a little weird.

Which, basically, is exactly my type. Fingers crossed.

Easy IPO Filed September 19, 2006 7:14 PM.

Eyeshot Filed September 18, 2006 1:32 PM.

The Next Oscar Wilde Filed September 17, 2006 2:15 PM.

Reality Filed September 13, 2006 5:40 PM.

Logistics Filed September 13, 2006 4:57 PM.

Hello, Newman Filed September 12, 2006 2:51 PM.

Disconnected Filed September 12, 2006 1:25 PM.

Today's Quote Filed September 12, 2006 9:12 AM.

9/11 Filed September 11, 2006 2:51 PM.

Testaroo Filed September 11, 2006 10:54 AM.

Sleeping In Filed September 10, 2006 1:34 PM.

How am I Funny to You? Filed September 7, 2006 2:52 PM.

Taken Filed September 5, 2006 6:09 PM.