Self-Aggrandizement: mail bag

I must admit that, finding the message in my inbox, I suddenly felt oddly flattered. Not only did something about me, a complete stranger, stir up in [name] the desire (or perhaps even the need) to send off such a charming missive, but my online persona apparently irked him sufficiently to even whip out the thesaurus in search of the perfect 'knob'-preceding word.

Still, warmed as I was by his effort, I must admit that [name]'s work fell a bit short of my high hate mail standards. I'm lucky enough to receive a piece or two every couple of months, and some of them are really, remarkably, treasurably good. Sure, [name] might lack the biting wit (or perhaps simply the intelligence) to really tear into me in Shakespearean style. But, at the very minimum, he could have at least put some effort into structuring the email properly. I mean, consider how much more effective it would have been if written in the second person and ended with a complimentary closing:

Dear Josh Newman,
You are an unmitigated knob. What a narcissistic, little poser bitch.

Drink bleach and die,

[name]

Sure it's a hate letter; but it's still a letter. There's an etiquette to these things.

mail bag Filed August 2, 2003 in Best Of.

mail bag
Filed August 2, 2003 in Best Of.