Self-Aggrandizement: ongoing education

2. While setting five on a Remington Precision MB-30 Beard Trimmer says "I have a mysterious, indie rock edge," setting six says "I have spent the last five years living in the mountains, eating small animals hunted with a crudely fashioned wooden spear" and setting four says "like, zoinks, Scoob!" Apparently the desired space between looking shagging and looking like Shaggy is remarkably small.

3. Men with beards are perceived as stronger, more masculine, dominant, competent and composed, and more socially and physically attractive then men without facial hair. (See Reed, J.A. and Blunk, E.M. (1990) The influence of facial hair on impression formation. Social Behavior and Personality. 18 : 169-175; and Addison, W.E. (1989) Beardedness as a factor in perceived masculinity. Perceptual and Motor Skills. 68: 921-922.)

3. If you're negotiating a business deal, and the other party's point catches you way off guard, so long as you stroke your beard pensively during the ensuing protracted silence, you look sage and thoughtful rather than moronic and wholly unprepared.

4. With a beard, I no longer get carded at bars. (Extensive field research continues on this front.)

5. Finally, nearly everyone I've spoken with (and even those I've heard whispering behind my back) have given the bearded look positive reviews. I've therefore decided to stick with it for a bit longer. If for no other reason than I kind of want to shave it in September for the resulting few weeks of inverted beard tan.

ongoing education Filed Wednesday, June 4 2003.

ongoing education
Filed Wednesday, June 4 2003.