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Money Method
Filed Friday, March 18 2005.

Though I've previously advocated anal-retentive wallet maintenance, I realize now there's a dangerous organizational progression possible therein. Particularly, even after a wallet has been pared down to its bare minimal contents, there's still the question of arranging the bills themselves. While the first few steps make good sense, each further crosses ever deeper into the realm of undeniable OCD. Monitor carefully.

  1. Un-crumpling bills.
  2. Ordering by denomination.
  3. For divided billfolds, placing ones in the front compartment, and larger bills in the back.
  4. Putting all the faces forward.
  5. Ordering within denominations by serial number.
  6. Quickly penciling in 'extreme makeovers' for the less comely presidents.

While I respect the intention, it's simply not in the cards for every president to have a flowing, luxuriant Andrew Jackson pompadour.